The WANT, The NEED, and The DEAD INSIDE

I started off in this industry two years ago with an idea to fill up my deflated ego living as a boy in a highly religious country where adoration for someone like me never happen ( cry cry nobody said I'm pretty ) - so I venture in this industry to make me feel pretty and hot, yes all those compliments that I'm gorgeous was never enough you keep them coming, so the money was never an issue, tip or don't tip your compliments keep me going like an energizer bunny. ( ps. it's natural for trans to feed on their ego cause they have been deprived of it all their life if you meet or know a trans - a narcissistic quality is somewhat a second nature #LOL )

Since I move in California things changes, I realize lately that I been doing my usual WANT to do BODYRUB to a NEED to do BODYRUB.  For a time being its OK and I'm not realizing the difference between the two, but lately, as I desperately want to see more client and needing more money ( for rent or mainly to live ) I'm realizing that the compliments are not having any impact, and somewhat see my self getting tired/bored of what I do.  Like in the past I want to do BodyRub cause I enjoy and love what I'm doing, now its I need to do BodyRub cause I need to pay bills and make money.  Which is not me cause if you read my blog, you would read enthusiasm and love of what I'm doing, now there comes a point where I don't even want to do BodyRub and those bills are the only reason I'm still doing this.  And I hate being a WHORE ( by definition of whore is doing the job you hate and getting paid for it ) before I'm proud to say I'm not a whore, and now I am a legitimate whore - and most whores are dead inside ( OMG I'm a cliche - a WHORE who is dead inside )

It's a running joke in the industry that we are dead inside, am I dead inside now and the need for money kills the enjoyment I had of doing BodyRubs?  The answer is NO - I think there's still hope, as the NEW YEAR is coming, it's timely to have a NEW YEAR's resolution, the next year 2019 I would have to fix my finances - I will shift my want and need to my addiction to spending, do I need a new victoria secret bra or just want it cause I look good on it #HAHA ( come to think of it I don't wear a bra often so its useless to even own one )  And I think I need to go back on having a goal, and rewards TRIP that encourages me to do my best, and most importantly go back to WANT to see clients and not NEED to cause you guys ( the good and bad of you ) whether you like it or not will always be a part of me.

So don't worry OLIVIA is not dead inside, she's resuscitated and preparing for a comeback next year 2019 so you have to see her when she's on your area ( even though she's mostly not available LOL )

Where my Boys at ( SAN JOSE, CA )

Call it peer pressure or the rumor mill that SAN JOSE has the money so  I decided to try my luck in the valley of the silicon ( or the other way around ).  It must be that I book this trip on holiday or the not so typical service I offer that for the second time I failed or the boys ( client ) failed me.  Remember that just last month SACRAMENTO breaks my heart and I'm still healing and now here I am in SAN JOSE bringing on the heartbreak.

Though on my last day which is today MONDAY, I actually have plenty of inquiries and committed client I just don't have the time, so I believe there is hope, I just have to book it on weekdays and never on a holiday.  So it's not that bad, I'll definitely come back but most probably next year.

Calling all the BRAVE men

where you at, where you at - surely not in MOTEL 6 cause you cancel on me not once but four times ( crying emoji )

ok, when I book this recent trip in Pleasanton I was thinking about the money I will save booking MOTEL 6, I didn't think of the money I will lose which I should have considered.  but I'm bad at Math so I think the odds are against me, to begin with.

so apparently MOTEL 6 has a reputation of being the place that busts drugs and held sting operation for prostitution, there I thought these only happen in the boondocks or in reality TV - remember that guy who entered a very secluded house which is an obvious sign of a sting operation, that was dumb right but he still goes LOL.  so these guys ( 4 cancellations) that wanted a BodyRub decided to drive back and text me they won't go to MOTEL 6 because of that rumors.  Tittle-tattles which a few BRAVE MEN ( the title implies ) has to overcome and see me in spite of it all, which i'm happy and thankful. the lesson of this experience, RESEARCH - don't book MOTEL 6 if you're doing BodyRub or drugs ( the latter you should never do anywhere actually ) - and there is still BRAVE MEN out there WINK WINK...

SACRAMENTO ( i tried )

Ok i try to widen my horizon ( clientele ) from RENO, PLEASANTON & LAS VEGAS to now SACRAMENTO and sorry ( for me ) it was a bust SACRAMENTO, I only seen a few clients ( enough to pay for the HOTEL excluding the outside expenses - food and transport ) - also the client request is very demanding like a few clients cancel cause I won't do their fantasy - #PS what does SACRAMENTO do to these men #LOL - and the hotels are so bad I think MOTEL 6 is five star there.  I'm really sorry if you love SACRAMENTO or you left your heart there ( get it back please ) but it really was the worst trip I ever had, and for that, I scratch out the plan to go back.

I know I'm really harsh but the trip is really bad, so bad I left on my last night and go home.  Sacramento was once the thriving city of California where industry and urban life was the center of it all, now the armpit of California where you plan your next getaway to another city #LOL - Even the clients that I see born and raised in SACRAMENTO only has bad things to say, some even ask me what make me decide to work there, the only big industry there are blue diamond almonds and the other big company are leaving to another city, so people have no extra money for leisure.

Well like I said I tried, but here's to hoping SACRAMENTO will find its way like when it was established as the capital of California.  I think its more about city planning and good governance, like SAN JOSE who would have thought the known armpit of EAST BAY would now be the jewel of it ( check the housing prices there and see what I mean ).

#PS - speaking of SAN JOSE I might try to go there and see if I can build a clientele there, so if you're in / from SAN JOSE and reading this, check out my dates OK and see you ;)

LAS VEGAS ur in my HEART

The first time I came here in the US I probably wrote it in my older blog that I first came to RENO, the second city I been to was Las Vegas, I love Vegas so much that I came back two times after that ( that's 3 times in one year ).  When I started doing the BODY RUB I tried to work there, but word of mouth scared me that they are a little strict in Las Vegas to everything there ( unlicensed masseuse ) other than gambling, I don't want to risk it so I never post or tried it.  There's something about this recent trip that I decided to risk it, maybe its the absence of CRAIGSLIST / BACKPAGE  that make the industry a little anonymous or my filling credit card bills LOL.  So I decided to post in little-known websites and surprisingly I get replies, not as much as I expected but still good enough for me to see that Las Vegas is a viable place.  So I decided on putting Las Vegas on my future schedules, so Vegas I will see you again soon ;)

The LEAVE ME ALONE list

I usually have the rule in my BODYRUB - YOU CAN CONTACT ME BUY I WILL NOT CONTACT YOU - that's my GOLDEN RULE.  DISCRETION with your PERSONAL life is my priority and I respect that.

BUT - - - Yes there's a BUT, since the FOSTA / SESTA stupidity I have no way to contact my regular clients but to follow-up on them so I somewhat break my GOLDEN RULE.  But that leaves me no choice, how would I know if you miss me or want my service again other than to contact you, I know my regular client will contact me if they want - BUT ( again ) most of these clients don't save my details for their own personal situation.  So I make it a point to ONE-TIME text my regular client that I'm in town just to let them know.

MY HEART BREAKS - - - Well I have this regular client back in the day who is like a friend that always tells me that I'm like a family to him cause I see him monthly sometimes twice a month who text me back - HOW CAN I BE IN YOUR LEAVE ME ALONE LIST - which kinda breaks my heart.  You can just say nicely - CAN YOU NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE, THANKS - and not be a DEUCE about it.  And so I block his number never to contact him forever, it hurts because I been always nice to him and he to me, but that's the past and things changes.

SO - - - to end this post, I like to apologize to the regular clients that I text broadcast when I'm in town, blame it to FOSTA / SESTA ( i hope this change eventually ) - and be NICE if you receive my text and you don't want me to contact you anymore just reply nicely to STOP and I will.  Plus I'm not like a TELEMARKETER who texts you every time, I only do it once when I'm in town ONCE ( that's once every 2 or 3 months ) - so don't be a DEUCE about it, thanks for reading ( see I'm very nice )...

We Are What We Are

We are beautiful

We are resilient

We are majestic

We are unique

We are kind

We are loving

We are peaceful

We are smart

We are respectful

We are you and me

If you have a problem with us

Look into the mirror and see

The real problem, that is you...